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Dating, Highlight, Relationships

New Series: Dating – What Does Being “Open” Mean?

Hello!

You’ve heard the saying “Those that can’t, do, right?” Well, I’ve been giving women dating advice for many years and not just any advice but sound, useful advice. Since there isn’t much going on with my hair because I am smack in the middle of the dreaded in between state, I figured I’d take to writing my thoughts on dating.

First topic on deck… What does being open mean?

I’ve recently joined a popular online dating site with the intention of meeting new people and getting out of the house. I have to say I am a veteran online dater but have not really been active in the last few years. I told myself that I needed to have ZERO expectations and I needed to be open to what’s out there. What do I mean by being open you ask? Well, if you are like me, you probably have a laundry list of things you want in a potential mate and that list includes physical features as well. There is nothing wrong with a list, but  if you don’t have that list broken down into the following categories, you might be overlooking some great guys.

I. Must Haves – AKA Non-Negotiable’s

Some would say that I am a successful at my age: I am gainfully employed, educated, home owner, and I manage my finances well. Growing up, my mom always told me to look for a man that can bring equal or better to the table, so with that theory, I should be entertaining men that match my list (with some minor tweaks). It is my desire to date someone that has the following must haves:

  1. Must love & have a relationship with God (this one may vary, but someone equally yoked)
  2. Gainful employment
  3. Education – I am not as concerned with a level, but I think #2 helps get #1 (not in all cases), but most.
  4. Their own place – not roommates, not crashing at mama’s house… their OWN place! They can rent it or own it, doesn’t matter as long as it’s theirs.
  5. Car – I live in the suburbs so our transit system ain’t hitting on much out here, plus,
  6. Ability to engage in conversation – if you want to find a long term relationship, they have to be able hold your attention.
  7. Respect for the fact that I am a single parent – this is also important! I can’t tell you how many men (without kids) don’t get that I can’t be as spontaneous as they’d like. I won’t do movie nights at my house because I choose not to bring men to where I live.
  8. Someone who doesn’t want kids (more kids) – my factory is closed.
When I look at profiles or meeting guys in out & about, these are the MUST HAVES I am looking for in order for me to even entertain them further. I am not open to a man that doesn’t not meet my must haves.
Keep in mind this list should not be longer than the Nice to Have list… these should list core values that are speak to who you are as a person, but an extensive list lessens then amount of guys that can meet it.
 
Disclaimer: This must haves list does not include the normal stuff like honest, non-killer, single… I figure that stuff goes without saying.
II. Nice to Haves – AKA Negotiables
Here is where the being “open” comes in. Yes, we all want the Morris Chesnut, Shemar Moore types (Brad Pitt for my Caucasian sistas); tall, good looks, rock hard bodies, gorgeous smiles, six figure income and advanced degrees… you know them well I’m sure. But, those men are few and far between and even if you have one near you he’s probably not into settling down, taken, married, gay or in jail. I can only speak for myself, but I haven’t come across one that was single and ready to mingle. I’m just saying.
So here is what my nice to have list might look like:
  1. Tall – well, I’m 5’9 and in my experience taller men go for shorter women and that leaves me with the the short to average height men. So, while I’d LIKE a tall man, I’ll be open to one that is average height.
  2. Someone who lives down the street! LOL! Again, most single men don’t live in the suburbs so I have to be open to traveling a little to date.
  3. Killer looks – well as I mentioned above you may want a man with killer looks but you need to be open to a great guy with lukewarm looks. As long as you are attracted to them, I say give them a try.
  4. Education – yes I have this listed on both. I have a MBA, but I am open to dating a man that has an Associates or even or certificate as long they can obtain and maintain gainful employment.
  5. You want a Doctor, but a Mechanic messages you – if he works hard, earns an honest living and meets your Must Haves… give him a chance.
I think you get the picture. Being open is taking your list, dividing it up into two categories and creating some flexibility in your Nice to Have column. It doesn’t mean entertaining men that don’t meet your Must Haves – it’s a waste of time and it gets you nowhere!  I hope this helps!
Thanks for stopping by…
Jazzy

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