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Dating, Relationships

Moments of Clarity: Pursuit of Happiness in Relationships

Today I had a few eye-opening moments of clarity. I had to re-cut ties with someone who should not have been given a second chance, but I have no regrets because I learned a lot about myself in dealing with this person and I confirmed the values I desire in a man.
Over the last few years, I’ve been working on changing the things about myself that I don’t care for or that could stand to be improved. One of those areas is romantic relationships. I’ve been single for a long time – I could say it’s partially a busy life, being picky and choosing to remain single to keep my peace. But one of my goals for 2014 is to date more and if I can get a monogamous relationship, all the better.

Moment of Clarity: Realizing my foundation

After today’s cut, I had an instant feeling of relief, freedom and happiness. You’re probably thinking, “Why wouldn’t’ you be sad?” The answer is, I’m not sad because I’ve laid a solid foundation for myself. This guy is successful, smart, handsome, makes good money, drives a nice car and lives in a nice home. He is used to women throwing themselves at him for his attention because of the material things he can offer them and acts as such. I don’t have to play into that because I am a stable, independent, responsible women who makes her own money and takes care of her household. So, I have the freedom to choose who I let in my world romantically regardless of what they bring to the table and when I’m done, the ties are cleanly cut.

Moment of Clarity: Getting back to my values

If you follow my blog, you know back in November 2013, I did a 30 day reset program and one of the exercises was to identify my core values. I had to narrow them down to 10 and here’s how they looked:

  1. Honesty
  2. Integrity
  3. Personal time
  4. Equality
  5. Love/family
  6. Respect
  7. Privacy
  8. Mental Stimulation
  9. Wisdom
  10. Happiness
That exercise made me realize that these are important to my true self and spill into all other areas of my life. The top five basic values that my potential suitor should possess are honesty, maturity, integrity, respect and adding happiness to my life. I feel these are solid and can easily branch into other important areas, but they lay a good foundation. I have to say these traits were completely void the first go round with this guy so why did I feel compelled to give a second chance?? I don’t know, but as the saying goes a leopard doesn’t change his spots. But again, I digress.
Moment of Clarity: I’m happy being single
LOL! Yes, I said it. But, let me explain. I don’t mind being single and I am happy in my life. I will take peace of mind any day over a relationship where I’m stressed, worried or unhappy. Yes, I realize that everyone has faults and when dealing with people you will always have to deal with something. But knowing your deal breakers will help you easily sift through the ones that may be good, but not good for you. As Oprah says, when a person shows you who they are the first time, believe them.
On a positive note, I reconnected with a friend from high school who added some joy throughout my day today and then I treated myself to Zumba class to shake off the negativity of the day.
What are some of  your must haves in a suitor?